Why you deserve to be happy

Happiness is underrated.

That is why I feel a lot of us feel a lack of something fundamental in our lives. I was one of those people who did not realise the true importance of being happy. I always thought it was something to be achieved through hard work (and dedication and pain and suffering).

This is not true.

‘Why are you so happy? What have you done to deserve this feeling?’

The answer is – you and I don’t have to do anything to be happy. We deserve to be happy simply by being here on the planet! Happiness is your right. It is the essential nature of who you are and you do not owe anyone and explanation nor do you need to justify it to yourself. You are who you are and that is enough. More than enough. I could offer you a million explanations as to why it is good to be alive. I am sure you could too.

Having reasons to be happy is one thing. Believing you have a right to happiness is another thing altogether.

For years people have been telling me to be happy and I used to answer back saying that I am happy. The truth is that I never believed I deserved happiness. I did not value myself in the right way. I compared myself to others and saw them doing better than me.The only difference quite possibily between me and the people I regarded as happier was that they may have believed they deserved to be happy, that’s all. True happiness is found in very being, in your innate aliveness. It does not warrant a reason.

To be truly happy, do things that make you genuinely happy. You will find life suddenly becomes easy. That’s what happened to me. When I started to believe I deserved happiness, all my sadness and feelings of loss and insecurity disappeared. A shift in my own focus created a new feeling of wellbeing.

Encompassed within happiness are the following:

• Self-respect
• Self-worth (healthy self-esteem)
• Optimism
• Gratefulness
• Positivity
• Better mental outlook

When the above are brought into consideration, you may begin to live a life that is truly fulfilling because you are valuing yourself and what you truly enjoy doing. Be happy simply for the sake of it and see what happens to your life.  When we live in a society that instils struggle and competition to validate self-worth, you can easily see how people can end up feeling inferior as though they have failed in some way.

This is not a fact. It is the perception of what we see that influences our thoughts and beliefs.

The standard you set for yourself and your health in all respects is found in being true to your authenticity as a human being. Your uniqueness is unparalleled. Your life is the inspiration. Your story is important.

If you are unhappy, it is a sign that something is wrong (or has gone wrong) in your life and you owe it to yourself to change it.

Value yourself.

© Copyright Christina McDonald 2016 – all rights reserved

Beached

Gasping for breath,

Thrashing without knowing.

Travelling everywhere and nowhere,

To reach this final place.

The thirst is there,

But the journey is incomplete.

I have nothing to share.

To be abandoned and lost.

Familiarity wanes,

Like the ever drawing tides.

The majestic sun above with a golden mane

Tries to warm my shrinking soul

The swell and rumble deafens me

But I dug my own hole.

The world would have the killer sea.

The cold pentetrates my body.

The echo muffles my empty plea.

© Copyright Christina McDonald 2016 – all rights reserved.

The Importance of Mental Health in Relationships

Having positive relationships in life is important for our mental wellbeing. If we are afraid of losing someone we love, then what of love and intimacy? Throughout my life, every relationship I had ‘endured’ was stemming from my own personal fears and insecurities. I was too afraid to love and I am sure every boyfriend I had from my early twenties had sensed this to be true. I wanted to be loved and was more concerned with that than actually genuinely loving another person without fear of being rejected. I knew it meant I had to take a leap of faith and drop my controlling possessiveness to find the love I needed.

Needing someone is a double edged sword. I think everybody needs companionship of some kind. When we need someone, a part of us becomes reliant on a partner. This means that we are exposing ourselves to the risk of becoming vulnerable. We all need companionship and that is something that is very natural. Loneliness is a very big problem in today’s society and this is especially prevalent in the ageing population today. Losing a partner we have loved and lived with for many years and mourning that loss is something many of us have had and will have to deal with sometime in the future. It is painful and a very sad part of being human.

Some people enjoy their own company (not unlike me). There will be a point when I will want to be around people again and meet up with friends after having had some time to myself. This is quite normal for many of us. What if our ‘needing’ someone is based on deep seated, conditioned insecurities within ourselves? Then, our relationships become negative, controlling and suffer from needless outdated emotional reactions that have no place in our lives. So, what strategies can we adopt in order to ensure we do not fall into the trap of addictive relationships?

 Place emphasis on loving and not on being loved:

To be loved firstly, is not essentially a need. When I say ‘need’, our quest for love should not be covering up feelings of low-self-esteem, insecurity or lack of self-worth. There is no better form of exquisite pain than finding someone who mirrors back our own pain, self-doubt and anger. This is how an addictive cycle of pain begins. When we crave love and attention in a negative way, it is replacing something we feel we lack. Any relationship entered into from this perspective will be based on a prospective partner constantly having to attend to your emotional insecurities which have no basis on reality, just a fear of loss.

Become more aware of your emotional state in relationships:

Developing your awareness in regards to how your emotional habits form is something that requires practice. Are there any trigger points you could isolate in your behaviour? Think about what went wrong before and analyse it. Don’t just sweep it under the carpet and hope that will clean the mess up. To do a thorough clean, you’ve got to roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty to do a really good job. The same applies to relationships and to understanding yourself more. Mentally and emotionally, you have to remove the cobwebs otherwise you will become the fly that traps itself in your own web!

Learn to be content with being alone:

Being on your own and being content with your own company is a great strength. There is an important difference between being alone and feeling lonely. We all feel lonely from time to time, (even when we are in relationships) and events in life are stressful. If you are happy within yourself, you have no reason to believe that finding the right person will complete you. It may add to your existing happiness immeasurably but it is not essential to your personal experience and feelings of happiness. When that special person comes along, you will not feel the agony of craving something you don’t understand from them and you can simply enjoy being together.

Talk it out:

Finally, communication (with a trusted friend or with your partner) can help to unravel complex feelings. If you can work through your difficulties like this, then you are already off to a flying start. Having a shouting and screaming match and breaking cutlery against the wall may feel cathartic at the time but it will cause more damage in the long-term and will perhaps drive a huge wedge of resentment between the two of you. Keep ego out of relationship difficulties and focus on what matters which is the problem at hand.

Enjoy the ride:

Life is too short to be caught up in worry and anxiety over relationships. If you do the necessary ground work (which is learning how and why you relate to others in the way you do) everything should become much simpler. Remember nothing – even the best and most emotionally fulfilling relationships don’t last forever so don’t forget to enjoy the moment and be happy no matter what…relationship or not.

© Copyright Christina McDonald 2016.

The Magic of Being

Have you ever looked up at the stars?

Have you ever stopped without stopping?

Have you felt the peace of being flowing amidst the noise and hubbub?

That is the way.

The way of all life.

A peaceful respite moving from all there is to everything there is.

There is joy to be felt in movement, in breath. In the cool breeze.

In a hot cup of coffee, in love renewed.

Simple pleasures are abundant and few.

A statue frees us all

As we look on in wonder.

Wishing to be equally free.

© Copyright Christina McDonald  2016 – all rights reserved.

Bridge Passage

A life without change,

Is a life as barren as the desert moon.

The flow of life,

Quenches our thirst.

For adventure,

The fearful and the eager,

Take the plunge eventually.

The tapestry of life blends into one,

And brings all into consequence.

A small or large part to play,

We are all the same essentially.

Lost in the great unknown.

The valley stretches far beyond,

To the distant horizon.

The skies are a faded grey, blue,

Merging into one.

No rainbows to be seen,

The wind teases the trees as they dance calmly,

Nature is the healing balm,

In the solstice of the mind.

Copyright Christina McDonald 2016 – all rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

Eventually

My inbox is stuffed full of paperwork.

I’ll get round to it eventually.

My patience is put to the test.

So much to do,

So little time.

‘All you can do is your best’ they say.

I need to go to the loo.

I’ll go eventually.

Meanwhile, there’s too much to do.

No time to rest.

Too many cutbacks, not enough staff

I really want to resign…

Perhaps I am completely daft.

In the meantime, I’ll do what I always do.

(Caffeine, caffeine, more caffeine).

I feel like I don’t have a clue.

I don’t want to whine…

I’ll sort my life out…

Eventually

Copyright Christina McDonald 2016 – all rights reserved.

 

Generation

The beating of the celestial heart,

Drives the rhythms of our soul.

Rooted in past, present and future,

The realm of no time and no matter,

Leaves us all in doubt,

Of what dreams we have.

Vivid and ephemeral,

As fragile as glass.

We search for our part in the story,

We look back to go forward.

Traditions become cemented,

In the fabric of all meaning.

Our lineage set to define,

All that we are,

Is beyond everything we know.

Life’s empire of creation,

Is for those who dance precariously,

On the threadbare magic carpet.

Christina McDonald 2016 – all rights reserved.

 

Precipice

I stand before nothing
A vast emptiness
I come full circle
The waves crash beneath me

I stretch my arms
I feel the breeze
I close my eyes
I am finally at ease

The sun descends slowly
A thousand colours emerge
A farewell fanfare, what could be more holy?
I stand on the verge

To feel the essence
To breathe, to be,
The eternal presence
So much more than me

© Copyright Christina McDonnald 2016 – all rights reserved

Developing self-love

For ages, I have been reflecting on the importance of self-love. How much do we do for others in the course of a day and when do we prioritise ourselves?Nobody seems to realise how important it is to care about youself. It is not selfish to love yourself but more selfish to neglect your needs.

If you don’t care about yourself, you are sending a message to the world that you don’t deserve to be loved or taken care of.

Why?

Because you are validating that belief through your thinking and perception.

‘Why do people treat me like this?’

Chances are because you treat yourself like this!

The world will only reflect back to you your inner state. If you are grumpy, you get grumpy looks back. If you smile at someone, chances are you will get a smile back. If you don’t….so what? You haven’t lost anything by smiling but you have a greater chance of making someone else feel down with a glum expression.

Of course, it isn’t possible to feel happy all the time. You wouldn’t be human otherwise. Everybody has their ups and downs, their good days and bad days. What is important is being aware that you and the people around you are not perfect and human.

Realise that you make mistakes. Everybody does. I do that’s for sure. I still hate it when I make mistakes but I am learning that I cannot always get it right. (I learned the hard way as I trained to be an orchestral flautist). So many years of my life were spent in a music practice room trying to get it perfectly right.

I drove myself crazy trying to play musical phrases perfectly…but define what is ‘perfect?’ If I got the right notes in the right order and in tune, to me that was perfect! To others who were listening, my interpretation of ‘perfect’ could always be better. (It was exhausting).

Striving for perfection is self-limiting, draining and gets you nowhere. Perfection is an ideal only and everybody has their own idea of what perfection is. If you do your best, that is good enough. Forgive youself for mistakes you have made and you release yourself from negative emotions (such as anger, guilt etc). Life is too short for that.

Just do your best.

Ask yourself what you feel you deserve…

Happiness or sadness?

Depression or joy?

Anger or contentment?

Hate or love?

You deserve what you feel you deserve. What do you feel you need? If you want to be happy, be happy!

You have the freedom to choose these things. A lot of us forget that we are all solely responsible for our inner emotional and mental state. We are only dependent on ourselves for that, nobody else. Nobody else outside of you has the power to control how you deal with situations that come your way. It is your perception that makes it easy or hard to deal with.

Realising you are in charge of who you are and what you do is the beginning of developing your own understanding of yourself. Self-love is about developing your awareness to a point where you see every intricate aspect of your personality, your emotional responses and how you perceive yourself. Why do you think and feel in such a way?

The more you ask youself these questions, the closer you will come to realising your true self.

You are and always have been the love you seek.

© Christina McDonald 2016 – all rights reserved.

 

 

Horizon

I see you now

There you stand in front of me

Like no time has passed at all

All is clear to see

The dead leaves blow cold

A shiver down the spine

A hollow tree echoes

A windy tune

A ghost from the past

A living memory

In a dying world

Winter is here

The earth sleeps in a crimson crib

For hope, the stars are always near

Entrusted keepers of

The memories of souls dear

© Copyright Christina McDonald 2016